Real talk : food and I haven’t always had a loving relationship

You know…I haven’t always had this amazing love affair with food. Far from it, for the greater part of my life food and I had a terrible relationship.

I starved myself, over exercised, purged any food that did go in, cooked treats for others to disguise my eating disorder, hid food, exercised in secret, avoided shared meal times, it goes on…

I could live without physically chewing any food for days at time, scared of the impact on my weight, always thinking – oh people don’t notice. It didn’t really work that way though. People noticed and the more they wanted to care the more I withdrew and isolated myself.

I remember at one point being utterly convinced that I could continue this way for the rest of my life, I didn’t think about the consequences. Not on my family, not on my friends, definitely not on my body.

The moment of change? The moment that I made a choice that my mind would not rule me anymore? When my tiny human, Jet, came into my life. I simply, absolutely, could not have him growing up with a mum who didn’t love herself in the way I wanted him to love himself in this life.
I couldn’t have him wondering why mummy wouldn’t eat at certain times, that she would say no to the fun foods and not just live a little.

I needed more than anything for Jet to grow up seeing a healthy mumma before him and in that process of wanting to be the best role model for him, I let go of something that had tormented me for some 15 years and became the best role model for me too.

Everyday, and I am serious, every single day, I give myself a mental hug and pat on the back that I have come this far. Because in the process of doing it for Jet I learnt to find peace in my heart and kindness within myself too.

Don’t ever stop acknowledging just how far you have come my friends, whatever the stage on the journey you’re at, because it is without doubt one of the greatest motivators to keep going.

All my love, Jacq 😚